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Hi Mike<br>
Hoping it's not too late.<br>
<br>
Here is some feedback on intro/abstract.<br>
The intro looks much more compelling for a web science paper. I have
a few<br>
suggestions.<br>
<br>
1. Abstract seems to indicate that the paper is about PON rather
than its mulitidisciplinary design.<br>
I think the abstract needs to be repitched like the intro was.<br>
<br>
2. "We feel that this evolution is ..." I wasn't sure what evolution
you meant. Probably what<br>
is mentioned in previous sentence, but I thought the link could be
made better. Also "We feel" is<br>
not very strong. <br>
<br>
3. "BY making the changes that occur to the data apparent" ....
-> it's not so much about<br>
making them apparent, but "by tracking and recording the changes
that occur to the data ..."<br>
<br>
4. We hope ... again, be bolder, more convinced<br>
<br>
5. "USING the primer software methodology" --> "ACCORDING TO
..."?<br>
<br>
6 . In black and white, figure 5 is not very clear ...??? not sure
this is fixable.<br>
<br>
7. Check title of reference [12]: <a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://www.w3.org/TR/prov-dm/">http://www.w3.org/TR/prov-dm/</a><br>
<br>
8. [13] is duplicate of [12]<br>
<br>
Luc<br>
<br>
<br>
<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 02/01/2013 12:48 PM, Michael Jewell
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote
cite="mid:EMEW3|4c49352e93b54bbf9db09325d0e7f64ep10Cmw0epatina-bounces|ecs.soton.ac.uk|CAFB_WLTG2Ck8RORTZPP4Qn4FnqTD2qg8J2-xr07scmCDxwOwYA@mail.gmail.com"
type="cite">
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Now with a Related Work section, and some expansion on the
Conclusions.
<div><br>
</div>
<div>Cheers,</div>
<div>Mike<br clear="all">
<div><br>
</div>
-- <br>
Dr Michael O. Jewell<br>
ECS, University of Southampton
</div>
<br>
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<br>
<pre class="moz-signature" cols="72">--
Professor Luc Moreau
Electronics and Computer Science tel: +44 23 8059 4487
University of Southampton fax: +44 23 8059 2865
Southampton SO17 1BJ email: <a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:l.moreau@ecs.soton.ac.uk">l.moreau@ecs.soton.ac.uk</a>
United Kingdom <a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://www.ecs.soton.ac.uk/~lavm">http://www.ecs.soton.ac.uk/~lavm</a>
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