[Patina] Re: Latest PDF

[Michael Jewell]

Not too late at all! Have fixed up the references in the version in
easychair, and will get onto tweaking the others :) For the figure, I could
potentially split it into two figures, which are a bit bigger?

Ta!
Mike

On Fri, Feb 1, 2013 at 4:27 PM, Luc Moreau <l.moreau at ecs.soton.ac.uk> wrote:

>  Hi Mike
> Hoping it's not too late.
>
> Here is some feedback on intro/abstract.
> The intro looks much more compelling for a web science paper. I have a few
> suggestions.
>
> 1. Abstract seems to indicate that the paper is about PON rather than its
> mulitidisciplinary design.
> I think the abstract needs to be repitched like the intro was.
>
> 2. "We feel that this evolution is ..." I wasn't sure what evolution you
> meant. Probably what
> is mentioned in previous sentence, but I thought the link could be made
> better. Also "We feel" is
> not very strong.
>
> 3. "BY making the changes that occur to the data apparent" .... -> it's
> not so much about
> making them apparent, but "by tracking and recording the changes that
> occur to the data ..."
>
> 4. We hope ... again, be bolder, more convinced
>
> 5. "USING the primer software methodology"  --> "ACCORDING TO ..."?
>
> 6 . In black and white, figure 5 is not very clear ...??? not sure this is
> fixable.
>
> 7. Check title of reference [12]: http://www.w3.org/TR/prov-dm/
>
> 8. [13] is duplicate of  [12]
>
> Luc
>
>
>
> On 02/01/2013 12:48 PM, Michael Jewell wrote:
>
> Now with a Related Work section, and some expansion on the Conclusions.
>
>  Cheers,
> Mike
>
>  --
> Dr Michael O. Jewell
> ECS, University of Southampton
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Patina mailing listPatina at ecs.soton.ac.ukhttp://mailman.ecs.soton.ac.uk/mailman/listinfo/patina
>
>
> --
> Professor Luc Moreau
> Electronics and Computer Science   tel:   +44 23 8059 4487
> University of Southampton          fax:   +44 23 8059 2865
> Southampton SO17 1BJ               email: l.moreau at ecs.soton.ac.uk
> United Kingdom                     http://www.ecs.soton.ac.uk/~lavm
>
>
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>
>


-- 
Dr Michael O. Jewell
ECS, University of Southampton
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